Thomas and I on our wedding day, October 1st, 2010
I have been wrestling with the first blog post topic The Lord has put on my heart.
It is controversial and not very well accepted in the hearts of women today.
I have been struggling with not trying to offend or upset anyone. I have been trying to 'sugar coat' the Truth and not be too abrasive.
The Lord works in funny ways.
He knows my struggles with this. He knows what I have been trying to do while attempting to get these words on screen and to your heart.
And you know what?!
The more I try to 'sugar coat', the harder it is for me to write this.
In the course of writing this, He reminded me that I did not write the scriptures; I did not speak the words of Truth into existence.
He did.
And He does not want me to alter it.
He simply wants me to speak it as He is placing it on my heart.
So, I will.
I am going to jump right in.
To spill out the contents of my heart,
and let you in on a very current, really huge struggle of mine.
Ready for it?
Control.
I am controlling.
I don't mean to be, it is just how I was raised.
You see, when I grew up, my mom was the head of the home, the leader, if you will.
She made big decisions and had the final say.
Growing up, I was taught women are to be strong, and independent and, in essence, men are to serve us.
I was taught "A happy wife is a happy life."
It was that moto that I {unintentionally} molded my marriage into. I had no idea I was even doing it until Thomas and I sat down in conversation one night and he, ever so graciously, brought to my attention that I control everything. That I am the leader, the decison maker and the voice of our marriage and our family. He pointed out that I leave no room for him to fall into his God ordained role of leader.
And even though he did not come out and say it, I believe his heart was pleading with me to take a step back and allow him to lead.
It wasn't until recently that I began to learn and understand my God given role as Thomas's wife.
The Lord did not create me to control him or lead him, and He did not create Thomas to serve me.
Instead, Thomas was created in The Lord's image, to be an imitator of Christ. He was created to lead, to be the head of our marriage and our home. He should go before me and lead me. He should make sound decisions for me and our family. He should pray over us and seek The Lord's will for us. He should protect us and love us, just as Jesus does.
For the husband is the head of the wife,
as Christ is the head of the Church.
{Ephesians 5:23}
Husbands, love your wives as Christ loves the Church...
{Ephesians 5:25}
Husbands, love your wives as Christ loves the Church...
{Ephesians 5:25}
And The Lord God said,
"It is not good for the man to be alone.
I will make a suitable helper for him."
So, The Lord God caused the man to fall into a deep sleep;
and while he was sleeping, He took one of the man's ribs...
And then The Lord God made a woman out of the rib he had taken from the man
and he brought her to the man.
And then The Lord God made a woman out of the rib he had taken from the man
and he brought her to the man.
{Genesis 2:18, 21-23}
For man did not come from woman, but woman from man;
neither was man created for woman, but woman for man.
For man did not come from woman, but woman from man;
neither was man created for woman, but woman for man.
{1 Corinthians11:8-9}
This is God's perfect design for marriage.
Attempting to alter God's perfect marital design leads to disorder and chaos in the marriage and in the home.
You see, God created our husbands with a desire and a need to lead and to be respected as the leader and protector of us and our family. If we trample all over their role as leader, we are disrespecting them and hindering their ability to fulfill their God given purpose.
It is important to know that being a helper to our husbands does not make us inferior to them, and it does not mean our purpose is less important than theirs.
Quite the contrary, really.
"A man who finds a wife finds what is good
and receives favor from the Lord."
{Proverbs 18:22}
A wife of noble character who can find?
She is worth far more than rubies...
{Proverbs 31:10}
An excellent wife is her husband's crown...
{Proverbs12:4}
We are good and greatly valued in the heart of our Lord.
Our God thinks so highly of us.
Just as our husbands are entrusted by God to lead and protect us, we are entrusted by God to help and support them.
It is our purpose. Our God given role. And it is a highly important calling.
I understand sometimes submitting to our husband is a very hard thing to do. I also understand that the word 'submit' sometimes makes us want to shout out in protest, and revolt, and go on strike for weeks at a time. But, we are commanded by God to submit to our husbands.
Wives, submit yourselves
to your own husband,
as you do The Lord
{Ephesians 5:22}
I think our modern-day woman takes the word 'submit' and this verse out of context. It does not mean lose yourself or throw your voice and your opinions out the window. It does not mean you lose your worth. It does not mean you have to constantly take orders and do things against your will. It means you are to fall into your role as your husband's helper.
It means you are to serve your husband as if you were serving The Lord.
It means you are to take a step back and allow him to lead.
Like I said in the beginning of this post, this is a very current, really huge struggle of mine. I fail at this constantly. But, I know my role, and I am actively seeking The Lord's will for me as Thomas's wife. I know The Lord is with me. He is on my side, fighting along side me through every struggle I have in this. And, I know that in Him, I will be victorious. In Him, I will be Thomas's crown.
If you struggle with this as well, I encourage you to have some quiet time with The Lord. I encourage to lift your marriage up to Him and ask Him to convict you and show you how to be your husband's helper. Open your heart and be prepare to be receptive... The Lord is faithful to show you.
